Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Day 128: Pet Peeve--The Slow Talker

This individual is commonly found in middle management positions. They are also known to volunteer toasts/speeches at company gatherings. 

Slow Talker Profile:

  • Likes to indulgently pause between words
  • Likes to click his/her pen repeatedly while saying, “What was I gonna say?
  • Likes to make bubble popping sounds with their mouth while trying to remember what they were gonna say
  • States commentary S-L-O-W-L-Y in a roundabout manner that is hard to follow
  • Easily loses their train of thought if (heaven forbid) someone interrupts them

Dream/Fantasy way to deal with said pet peeve person: Press a red button on your desk as they commence speaking that triggers the projection of a giant, neon timer on your office walls (and that also plays the Jeopardy theme song). After 30 seconds, a loud buzzer rings. If the person is still talking, a secret trap door opens beneath them and they disappear.

Semi-Realistic way to deal with said pet peeve person:
With your cell phone on your lap, discreetly dial your own office number and tell them it’s an important call that you absolutely have to take.

Realistic way to deal with said pet peeve person (unfortunately):
Listen to them. 
Because you have to.
For extra added fun:
Count the amount of times you blink until they get to the point. 
If you reach 50, buy yourself ice-cream after work. 


  1. Ice cream is an amazing reward for having to deal with slow talkers. What might be worse is close talkers.

  2. Isn't it weird how Close Talkers almost always have bad b.o?