Sunday, February 13, 2011

Day 132: execution of the artist

Being born an artist with a dream is not an easy path.
But you choose no other.
This is what you want.
And you feel it in your bones that it is what you are meant to do.
So you work tirelessly at polishing it and pushing it forward.
You put yourself out there.
To get noticed.
To build an audience.
But art is subjective.
People will like you or they won't.
You will get labeled.
You will be criticized and judged.
Good or bad.
And as hard as you work at getting just the right amount of exposure,
you'll learn that most success comes from timing and sheer luck.
You get so close and then the stars don’t align.
That's just how it goes.
And while you are still scraping for your third and fourth chance,
some of your peers excel and hit the jackpot on the first try.
That simultaneously blows your mind and rips you to shreds.
Because you look at them with pride, awe and admiration at what they have created,
but start to feel that you will never be that good.
That maybe you don't have such a gift.
And you start to believe that there’s a reason it's not working out.
Then you suffer from a lack of confidence.
You go through moody withdrawal.
You retreat into the darkness of self defeat.
Finding it cushier and easier to stop.
To put it all behind you and join the real world.
Until, one day, you are fiddling randomly with something else and an idea comes.
And it feels good.
That magical blood rush of inspiration reminds you that the dream is not dead.
It calling you again is both a curse and a blessing.
Because as many times as it has broken you down after you tried your best,
it still remains your saving grace.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah so whats it like being my head? Just gidding lol. I seriously feel your pain... What a pleasure..... never stop creating...