365 Attempts (At Life)

In the lessons Life teaches us we are, at best, attentive pupils. Always searching for reasons. Always looking for signs. And Faith becomes a wishing well of sorts. A place to rest and drink, when we remember we’re thirsty. After our thirst is quenched, and our day is done, we return to home base. We settle comfortably in our living rooms, and try to live. We discuss our day without ever seeing each other. We don't need to. Because where there was only one white elephant in the room,  Ganesha himself has arrived to replace it.

It is storming, storming, storming. Seems like there is nothing a grey cloud can’t blow away when it wants to blow. And there she blows! The Present and the Future… it’s all knee deep in water. Trying to stay dry. Holding on to tree trunks. Eyes closed tight, praying into their wet sleeves. But the Past is not concerned. Oars in hand, she is looking for a raft. And she walks down the rain-drenched streets, determined to sail away.

Don't you see? The tangible becomes the mystical. And the dream becomes a ghost. Trudge ahead or fall behind. This road has changed course faster than the memory can manage. But it manages time. It manages power. It manages expectations and throws them there in the concrete. Walk one foot in front of the other. Find your stepping stones and toss them at glass houses. Lose control. Win a heart. Conquer a demon. Befriend one. Possess a thought until it possesses you. Hold on to the stranger who reminds you of Perfect. And who shares their pocket mirror. That’s the key. That’s how to find Tomorrow.

It is quite extraordinary, really. I can see you. But my eyes can’t focus. The shape of you is so distorted. So dissimilar. So out of reach. That I sense I was mistaken. And yet I feel something. Inside me. Ignite. But my thoughts don't converge. And my feelings have reshuffled. That I can’t seem to name them. I can’t seem to claim them.

The problem with carrying around ‘what-could-have-beens’ is that one day, when you check in, you pay a hefty price for all the excess baggage.

In the distance between No and Yes , there’s a lot of ground we’ve not yet covered. And every question that brings us to either answer, casts shadows. Or illuminates them. Each one an uphill climb. Or a downward spiral. A corner to turn or avoid altogether. And endurance is carefully managed. To stand guard on this goal that must or must not be met. To give it the space it deserves. Or the time it has earned. But a showdown looms overhead. Promising rain on a cloudless day. Anticipation and Fear call for swift Judgement. And we find that Maybe fits rather comfortably. Like a glove that keeps us from getting our hands dirty.

We all belong to something. We have our parents, our siblings, our friends, our partners, our colleagues... And as we blend, converse and grow we pick up things from them. Our language and mannerisms become influenced, as do our tastes, and decisions. We can't help it, we become products of our chosen and unchosen environments. And our personalities reflect that. But there comes a time in every life when you have a moment of: "who am I outside of all of this?" Trying to figure out what parts of you work. And what parts are holding you back. It's a scary question to ask. That's the tricky thing about this journey of self-awareness, going your own way is a very hard thing to do. It means asking the difficult questions. So many of us don't. We move past that and rally for answers that come from not questioning anything. We rarely filter out everyone or anyone else and make a choice or decision based on gut feeling. Based on intuition. The hardest person to get ap

We’re such funny creatures. Double dipping our toes in the water even though we just checked, and it was too cold. Or too hot. We double dip because we want to make sure. And because we like to feel the shock of temperature on our skin, let’s be honest. We could learn from the first go around. Cold is cold. Hot is hot. But a second time really drives the point home. And it seems a good amount of us want to learn our lessons twice.

Is it not ironic that ‘Elusive’ and “Illusion’ almost sound like the same word?

In a world of Now or Never, will you do it? Will you say it, so that it does not go unsaid? Do you reach out and live it? Or do you just miss it?

Plant something. Water it as best you can. Whenever you can. Watch it grow. Watch it fill your heart in ways unexpected. Watch it blossom. And watch it outgrow you.