365 Attempts (At Life)

You just keep dangling them carrots overhead. And watch me jump.

Being born an artist with a dream is not an easy path. But you choose no other. This is what you want. And you feel it in your bones that it is what you are meant to do. So you work tirelessly at polishing it and pushing it forward. You put yourself out there. To get noticed. To build an audience. But art is subjective. People will like you or they won't. You will get labeled. You will be criticized and judged. Good or bad. And as hard as you work at getting just the right amount of exposure, you'll learn that most success comes from timing and sheer luck. You get so close and then the stars don’t align. That's just how it goes. And while you are still scraping for your third and fourth chance, some of your peers excel and hit the jackpot on the first try. That simultaneously blows your mind and rips you to shreds. Because you look at them with pride, awe and admiration at what they have created, but start to feel that you will never be...

This individual is commonly found in middle management positions. They are also known to volunteer toasts/speeches at company gatherings.  Slow Talker   Profile: Likes to indulgently pause between words Likes to click his/her pen repeatedly while saying, “What was I gonna say? Likes to make bubble popping sounds with their mouth while trying to remember what they were gonna say States commentary S-L-O-W-L-Y in a roundabout manner that is hard to follow Easily loses their train of thought if (heaven forbid) someone interrupts them Dream/Fantasy way to deal with said pet peeve person : Press a red button on your desk as they commence speaking that triggers the projection of a giant, neon timer on your office walls (and that also plays the Jeopardy theme song). After 30 seconds, a loud buzzer rings. If the person is still talking, a secret trap door opens beneath them and they disappear. Semi-Realistic way to deal with said pet peeve person: ...

How often in the course of one day do you check to see what time it is? I do it a lot. I am regularly in dispute with the clock. Asking it to go faster because there is something I am impatiently waiting for. Or petitioning it to slow down because the lines on my face are getting deeper. And more often than I’d like to admit, requesting to go back to  a moment that is so far behind me I’m afraid it will be lost forever. But doesn’t all time get lost? When everything that is will soon be what was ? Don’t we barter time with every one of our breaths? Time is not a friend. It is a spirit, a ghost. It dissolves as it happens. It disappears. It passes. Who could hold onto a ghost, really? I think about what the world will look and feel like 500 years from now. When I am not here and you are not here. And ‘our time’ is a thin chapter in a history book some distant relative may be studying. I wonder what they will think of the time we were given. I wonder what we will ...

My buddy sideproject has guest blogged with me here a few times. Usually we get on MSN Messenger to write about our topic together and then I copy/paste the entire conversation into a WORD document before posting it here. Well today, she opened up a Google Document online that we could both view/write on simultaneously. AND (get this) see eachother’s keystrokes live! Too freaky! The conversation that ensued is not thick with plot, but a live experiment with the many wonders of technology (and Google in particular). **Please keep in mind (to better follow the conversation) that as sideproject is typing I am line editing, formatting, and fixing grammar.*** Discussion: Google Searches sideproject :  Did you just erase everything we wrote before this? That was the warm up. 365Attempts : Yes. Yes I did. sideproject : Anyway. I want to post about how when you Google ‘ac’ the first options that pop up are ‘acropolis’ and ‘acrylic nails’. This op...

Hesitation. A four syllable word loaded with consonants, vowels, questions, and stop signs. A word that will rob you of your chance. Go ahead. Think about the risk. Play it out in your head for the millionth time. Map out how it will be. How it will feel. Work out percentages. Talk it over. Or better still, write everyone’s lines. Tomorrow and the day after are gift certificates that never expire, right? So you can take your time and press pause all you like. Walk in circles when you get to the red light. And hope to God it turns green again. Tick-tock.

Her: What were you going to say? Him: Nothing. I wasn’t going to say anything. Her: Oh. It looked like you had something to say. Him: I don’t think I have anything particular to say. Her:   OK. Him: OK. Her:  I feel paralyzed today. Him:  If you were paralyzed you'd feel nothing. Her:   I just feel like everything has decided to stop. That's all. Him: Why? Her:  I don't know. Why not? Him: So start it up again. Her: I can't. Him: Then you have to think that you can , instead. Don't you? Her: You’re so smart. Him: Sometimes. Let’s go for a walk. I might find something to say. Her : I knew you would. Yes, let’s go. Let’s go for a walk. I feel better now.