Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Day 364: Rumours, Rainbows and All That Chaz



To quote The Profit: "No matter what our faith (or lack thereof), we are all someone's Godless Infidel, so rejoice! We’re in this together. Laughter is our one last great hope."


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Dialogue between Miss Daisy Cutter, a Southern Baptist minister's wife and  "The Profit", "respected" 1980s televangelist.


Daisy: Profit, I need to discuss something disconcertin’ that’s come to my attention through all them gossipers in the parsonage. Not that I listen to gossip none, I try to refrain from discussin’ other people when they’re not ‘round to defend themselves. But Mary-Ellen -such a beastly gal, so thick in them skirts -she’s just talks mean ‘bout everybody! Anyhow, I just thought I’d tell you what I overheard that she heard because it’s rather incriminatin’ --

The Profit: Now, now, Miss Cutter, settle down. It may be true that I have cavorted with the glitterati, and there have been some unfortunate misunderstandings between the Pope, Michele Bachmann, Jesus Christ and I. But I assure you, dear child, that was no flashlight in my pocket. I was genuinely glad to see them all, in that Westboro Mall Subway sandwich shop.

Daisy: I just love Westboro! It’s that EASTboro rabble that I can’t stand.

The Profit: And that’s why the clergy doth say to sit! Stay! Good pup. But now tell me, Daisy. What’s really on your mind.

Daisy: Oh you see right through me, now don’t you Profit.

The Profit: A man would have to be blind not to. Come now. Do tell.

Daisy: Well sometimes when I’m at home alone...

The Profit: Yes...

Daisy: ...I play that latina music. I wasn’t snooping or nuthin’, but the maid left a cd out in her bottom drawer under some journals. So I played it and, sweet baby Jesus, somethin’ inside me tingled somethin’ fierce. At first I thought it was the leftovers, but no - it was the percussion. And I said to myself : Myself, we should dance.

The Profit: Your little voices kicking up a storm again in that head of yours?

Daisy: They keep to themselves, mostly. But you see, Profit, the real crazy part of it all, later that night I flipped on the television and wouldn’t you know it, there was this show that had all these people I ain’t never heard of dancin' to this same exact music! And then, I saw something that nearly knocked me off my lazy boy...

The Profit: Tom Delay.

Daisy: Chaz Bono!

The Profit: So now you want a sex change.

Daisy: YES!!!

The Profit: Daisy? You have my blessing. That’ll be 12 dollars, please.





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