After yesterday’s written appeal to God, I got a six a.m. phone-call:
365 (half asleep): Hello?
The Profit : This is God’s right hand man speaking.
365 (groggy): Wha?
The Profit: They call me the Profit, because I am here to profiteer. Be comforted, my child, your message to the almighty has been processed by the proper authorities and I have been sent to save you. To SAVE you, I say. For only three easy payments of 19,95$ - I’ll save you.
365 (brighter): Finally! Someone with something to SAY. Oh, wait, you said ‘save’. Do I know you?
The Profit : Well, that depends... have you ever watched America’s Most Wanted?
365: Ummm, no...
The Profit : Swedish Survivor, Season 5?
The Profit : Then no, you don’t know me.
The Profit: Sweet girl, I am the Penitent Truth. The Majestically Modest. You know how religion is a mixture of noble spiritual pursuit and crass power-mongering?
365: Pardon me?
The Profit: You know, religion?
The Profit: It’s this thing where you search for a deeper meaning in life while manipulating people into doing your bidding. You should try it sometime. Anyway. I spare you the soul-searching - which y’all ought to be doing on your own time. Who am I? I am all that is glorious in all the world’s religions: the spectacle, the direct-fax-line-to-God, the profit. Ah, the profit... Now. How can I help you? Ask me about anything that is troubling you.
365: Time. Time is my trouble. I need it to stretch its limbs a little. So that I can write the way I want to write these last few days.
The Profit: Say seven Hail Marys, don’t eat fish on Friday, dress modestly, problem solved!
365: Really? Wonderful. OK! So...Pray: check. Steak: check. No cleavage or flashy jewelery -- well, we’ll work on that last one. Thank you!!
The Profit: Now regarding those three easy payments...
Ladies and gentlemen, it has been my pleasure to introduce to you, the front man, lead vocalist and 'preacher' from the secular, rabble-rousing, queer positive, feminist, subversive gospel music band Irreverend James and the Critical Mass Choir: The Profit.
Sign Up and Stay Tuned: There will be more from us two in the days to come.
AND... a fun creative collaboration with Irreverend James once my 365 Attempts are completed!
Recruiting Now (Critical Mass Choir Teaser) from The Critical Mass Choir on Vimeo.