Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Day 351: Dear God: Sorry to disturb you but...

Dear God,

Hi. What’s up? Get it --up? Ha! That is assuming Heaven is 'up' there? Or is it all a big ol’ hoax and you’re really at invisible eye level? Such a trickster, you are, God. A real practical joker!

But I digress. I’ll get to the point real quick. Because I have to.

I’m contacting you in writing (just so it’s a little more official) with a request of the supernatural variety. I figured you would probably be the right person/deity for the job. Please Forgive me, God; if I bypassed your assistant and sent this letter straight to you but there is only so much time in one day to deal with assistants (trust me).

And that’s why you have this letter in your glowing hands. (Do they glow?). I need you to stretch out Time for the next 14 days. Well actually, specifically, if you could just press ‘pause’ with your giant (glowing?) remote control on all of my apartment renovations, office type assignments, cleaning, laundry, cooking, socializing… that would be super duper! Bold, to ask this of you, I realize...but I've been a good girl for 351 days --for the most part, you know, aside from the acute bouts of lying, philandering, and gossiping -- regular stuff. Good.

If you’re really feeling cheery, maybe you could whip up a clone for me? Oh yeah, that would be just stupendous! And I’d be sure to introduce her to everyone (after she did all my office work assignments and the cooking, cleaning and laundry of course) so that the Good Word about you could spread across the lands…or at least the Greater Montreal Area.

You see, I just want to write. I’m in love with writing. I have a few posts left to try to produce some choice quality on here. And I don’t have the free time that I would need to really accomplish that.

Muchos Gracias <--you can translate that in whatever tongue you like, because YOU CAN!! 
Ha! OK. Yeah.
We’re done here.


1 comment:

  1. I should apologize, as you noticed, God hasn't replied yet. We went out for coffee and then we stopped at the Pointe Claire Nissan dealership as I am looking to buy a new car. I am sure God will catch on his mail by tomorrow.