Sunday, August 21, 2011

Day 320:" ****ing in the rain?"

Many of us have this romantic notion about the rain.
Particularly thunderstorms.
I blame the movies, of course.
You know the scene: lightning fills the sky while a couple argues in the street, thunder crackles and rain starts pouring down on them. They’re shouting, and then she turns to leave and walks past him. He grabs her arm, pulls her towards him and the next thing you know he has her up against a brick wall and they are passionately making out in the rain. Their clothes and hair dripping, as they hungrily kiss and touch each other.
All very sultry and steamy, right?

Here to discuss the reality of the situation is Christina (who shared an umbrella and a very unromantic walk with me as we got completely drenched by a crazy rainstorm on the way back to the car from the theater). We had just watched the latest Woody Allen romantic comedy, Midnight in Paris, where the main character (Owen Wilson) is a nostalgic romantic who loves to walk in the rain at night. Our conversation went a little like this:
365: Man, I love rainstorms.
Christina: I love the rain, too. I’m hesitant about the make-out bit in the rain. I’m not sure it works.

365: Really? God, I think it would be so hot. Except, I’m not really a fan of this much water in my shoes. It’s a major pet peeve, actually. All I can think about is my wet feet.

Christina: Don’t get me wrong, I like watching it in a movie. It’s damn hot. But in real life? I think the logistics of it would just lead to more anxiety than romance. It’s like taking a bath with someone. It sounds really romantic, but then when it comes down to it, the tub is too small, the water is too dirty, and your skin gets too shriveled.
365: It's like a taking a communal shower with someone you’re really sexually attracted to in a facility that forgot to pay its hot water bill. There's no lukewarm rain, it's fucking cold! And you have to be one of those people who looks good wet at any given moment. Your mascara can’t be running down your face, your hair can’t get knotty and crumpled, and your bra has to be really nice and lacy peeking out underneath your wet cotton t-shirt. Not that sports bra shit. It’s all about the visual with the rain make-out.

Christina: It’s not for everyone. Unless you enjoy feeling like a wet dog. It’s one of those things that needs to be kept preserved on celluloid and not translated into real life. Sexy is being stuck in the car when it’s storming outside. The soft sound of the rain, the steamy windows, the innuendos...'OK I’m taking my top off.'

(later online)
365: Can I tell you, I just got home and had to wrestle my wet skinny jeans off because they were glued to my skin. It ain’t easy to finagle clothing removal when you’re soaking wet. Your skin is damp, cold and your clothes smell a mixture of rain and humidity. God forbid you're wearing wool... what a stench wet wool is! That does not a sexy scene make.

Christina: Oh yeah, wet skinny jeans... that’s a foreplay nightmare. I think walking in the light rain, in Paris, with a lover and a baguette is the way to go. Now that’s romance.
365: Yeah, I guess. And hopefully the baguette is in a plastic bag. Who the hell wants wet bread?


  1. Making out in the sea is almost as bad. I nearly drowned.

  2. LOL! It can also be the ruination of movies, not just real life - recall it's responsible for one of the top ten worst end lines to a movie ever (Four Weddings and a Funeral "Is it raining? I hadn't noticed." Bleurgh!)

    I love your blog - found it through Lady Antimony's Liebster Award and will be following it for sure!

  3. But imagine it after four days of relentless heat and a month of wanting to get with the boy. The rain will be cool, but the bricks will be warm. He will want to see the mascara paint your face with lust. And you will forget your wet shoes after the first thrust.

  4. Shrinky: You could drown in a hot tub too, if you're not careful. ;-)

    Charity Girl: Somewhere, some girl (not this one) watched that Rom Com, heard that line and swooned. Thanks for finding me!

    Reader: Damn it, when you put it that way... You had me at warm bricks.

  5. I wouldn't care one bit about your mascara, your wet hair, the type of bra peeking through, or how long it takes to get out of your skinny jeans. To me a kiss in the rain just says "I just can't wait one second more. Not one second..."

    And totally unrelated, we're getting a hurricane here in Philadelphia this weekend. If you're not busy... :)