Friday, July 29, 2011

Day 297: nebulous

I’m sipping chamomile tea at Hotel Mom & Dad’s.
Trying to wrap my head around what to write here.
But, really, I can’t wrap my head around any of the events of today.
I can’t even trust my head to drive me home anymore. 
I sort of feel like I’m caught in one of those dreams where you are late for an exam...
Or have to sing onstage and you forget all the lyrics...
Everything is hazy.
A double funeral.
A blur of sympathetic faces.  
Sporadic tidal waves of emotion.
Talking steadily to different people while keeping the corner of my eye free to check if my brother-in-law and sister were OK.  
My body periodically doing what it is that it does now a little too frequently.
Trying to wait it out in the ladies room.
Writing it down, registering symptoms and times.
Going back out there. 
Telling myself it’s nothing.
Purposely ignoring the sinking feeling that maybe it’s actually something.
Exhausted.  
Sad.
Uncomfortable.
Worried.
But blessed.
Blessed to have both my mom and dad to come home to tonight.

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