Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Day 289: Nice to meet you. (OK, I believe you).

People of the world, can I tell you something? There is nothing worse than a limp handshake to present yourself to someone new for the very first time. Unless you are ninety seven years old, put some oomph into it, will you? A limp handshake is like casually holding up a giant sign that says: “Nice to meet you, sort of, I already forgot your name, and oh look- a birdie!”

Limp anything is no fun, let’s be serious. And I don’t care if you’re a woman or a man; a limp handshake speaks volumes of your character. It could be interpreted that you are too introverted. It could tell me that you’re not a very hard worker. It could tell me that you are basically a starfish when you are in bed with a lover. Do you really want to be thought of as a starfish?!

I’m not saying you need to get all overzealous with it. The opposite side of the coin is true, too. I don’t want to have to ice my hand because your grip was like having it squeezed in a vice ‘Joe Pesci styles’. There’s a fine line. Overzealous handshakers are also interpreted. If you are one, you are usually not a team player. You usually talk more than regular people. You usually want to be the boss. And it tells me that you are a basically an octopus in the bedroom. I mean, give someone else a chance to get some moves in there, you greedy son-of-a bitch!!

A proper handshake has become a lost art form. A steady slide, medium-firm grip and vertical shake is akin to a well painted portrait of yourself. Add eye contact with a polite smile and you have just turned into the Mona Lisa. We all want to look at the Mona Lisa. We all remember the Mona Lisa.

So, people of the world, the next time you meet someone new, put your best (clean) hand forward. Shake, Shake, Shake Senora! And know that you will be summed up and categorized by your handshake quicker than you can put that humid hand back in your pocket.

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