Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Day 247: Hey Mosquito, BITE ME!

There has not been a bigger test on my patience and self control in quite some time.
Sand flies have gone to town on my body.
Bites, everywhere, bites!
The itchiness is unbearable.
They have devoured so much blood I’m amazed I’m still breathing.
Most people come back from vacation and wear clothes that flaunt their tan.
I, instead, have to wear a turtleneck and long johns in 30 degree heat just to conceal murderous bites!
I mean, the sight alone will scare small children. We must protect the children!
What is it about my blood that these voracious flying beasts love so much?
I was sitting next to my sister on the beach the whole time and she didn’t get even one bite! Not one!
I really should start making money from this service I provide.
I have a business plan: if you are having a BBQ this summer, hire me.
I work better than those citronelle candles.
Just stick me in the middle of the yard, and you and your guests will enjoy a bite free environment.
Just remember to bring me to the hospital afterwards for a blood transfusion.
Think about it.
Now, excuse me while I shower in Calamine Lotion with my hands tied behind my back.


  1. I got my first Transylvanian scar of the season yesterday... and it was its last suck ever!... but what a way to go, eh? Like being killed instantly, painlessly and unsuspectingly in the middle of an orgasm... or a big bowl of pasta.


  2. Aren't the last two things you mentioned the same thing? If you're thinking no...then you haven't tasted my pasta.

  3. Ah, I see Bahamas hath not robbethed thee of thine modesty! Well actually, if I could produce orgasmic pasta, I'd flaunt-th it too! .... th :D