Saturday, April 9, 2011

Day 187: opposite ends of a rope

I hate it.
I hate the rules.
I wish sometimes that I could pretend they didn’t exist.
That I could talk to an ex when I miss him.
And call them on their birthday and not just send a polite text.
It sucks.
I’m on vacation.
In the woods.
Sitting at a desk with an amazing view of a mountain.
I should be far from any of these thoughts.
But they sneak up on me sometimes.
It’s a fine balance.
It really is.
Forgetting people you want to remember.
I have a short list.
Of people I need to forget.
But I can’t.
They’re part of my story.
I like to think of them.
Even if it hurts.
Even if it makes me feel easy to walk away from.
Even if it makes me feel I made a monumental mistake.
Smart vs. Stupid.
Romantic vs. Realist.
Need vs. Want.
What a constant tug of war.
With myself.
How can you win against yourself?
There are two deer eating grass outside my window.
They look peaceful.
I want to run away with them.
But I won’t.
I’ll just put these feelings in my pocket, for now.
Maybe another day I’ll make sense of why I fall for who I fall for.


  1. Sometimes you've got to take the plunge
    Maybe the one you miss
    Misses you too
    The one you want to forget
    Remembers you too
    Sometimes the one you fall for
    Falls for you too
    No regrets
    That's the way to go

    A xxx

  2. I had lunch with my ex-fiancee 20yrs after we split. I wish I had done it sooner - all those years I spent missing what never was. How could I have actually forgotten what a total and complete jerk he was? (grin)

  3. Gah. I feel every word of this. I hope you find a way to let go of that rope soon, my dear. I hope I do too.