Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Day 191: The Great Flood

Hey, it’s not like I’m not trying.
I really am.
Do you think I love announcing how I’m ‘so over it’, and then I realize I’m not?
I feel like a fraud.
Most of it is self created.
I know that.
But I can’t shake it.
And this has never happened to me before.
So there’s no reference point to know how far I am from forgetting.
Why you?
Why not the others?
I wish I had the answer to that.
Only my insides know more than I do.
And they don’t want to let me in on the secret.
It’s this unresolved ‘what if’.
Even though I probably know the answer to that question.
I hate that I haven’t lived it.
There have been people trying to distract me away from it.
And I am not interested.
Not in the slightest.
It’s too crazy out there for half assed attempts.
I don’t have the energy for it.
You intrigued me.
You challenged me.
You made me nervous.
And it’s not like I think about it every day.
But it seems to be what I am most inspired to write about.
It’s only when I sit at this keyboard that it rushes back to me.
I’m still trying.
That’s all I wanted to say.

1 comment:

  1. Just one foot in front of the other, step by step, each day at a time, it WILL slowly ease. You are trying. It's enough. (Hugs)