Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Day 121: Trying it on for size.

Maybe, I need to get myself a cowboy.
A man who works on a ranch, riding horses all day.
Lifting those big stacks of hay.
And whatever else it is cowboys do.
He’d lift his hat and smile at me.
Call my mother Ma’am.
And call me Darlin’.
He’d be big and strong,
and be able to fix things.
Like trucks and stuff.

We could have a big, old yellow house with a wraparound porch.
Drink lemonade on a backyard swing,
while our dogs run around.
Yeah…I could be a good ranch wife.
Spit out some cowboy kids.
I guess.
Except, I’m not really good around horses.
Every single horse I’ve ever ridden gets spooked and throws me off.
And God! Imagine how paranoid I’d be with the babies around that wild cattle.
Come to think of it, ranches can be kind of stinky, really...
And, after a while, Darlin’ might come off a wee bit condescending.
Who am I kidding?
I don't want a cowboy! I want a nerd.
I love nerds.
And we’ll have nerdy bookworm kids.
I still want the yellow house, though.
And this part I'm specific about: a loft style attic converted into a library,
with a plain wooden table by a window where I can write.
And a husband that climbs up to bring me tea.
Or scotch.
But even if he's nerdy he has to be able to fix stuff,
like my chair if it wobbles.
And I still want the dogs.
Two Bernese mountain dogs.
I like this all much better.
Never mind about all that cowboy stuff.


  1. I like this...a nerdy man sounds perfectly fine to me. :)

  2. Howdey Darlin',

    Hows about moseyin down to mah place in the lone star? Ma can fix ya up some shoo flah pah and we can git it own at the ho down. Aint no call for you to worry non 'bout horses, A've gotta truck so's you can pick up the groceries. Ma sez bring yer cookin pots with yer, yer sure gonna need em, we eat hearty round here. Like yer thawts on kids darlin', reckon we gonna have a BIiiG family. Anyhow, waddya say Pa an me meet ya at the Greyhound?

    Adios for now. Randy Cayotewrangler

  3. I hope you're storing hard copies of this stuff 'cause it's gold. (Gold, Jerry! GOLD!). If the internet ever hits an iceberg and sinks, you needs this stuff on record! Some lines made me laugh out loud and some made me smile endearingly. I think I feel how you look in your 365attempts profile pic.

    - L****joun

  4. Seriously, in your blog, which I enjoy for the most part by the way, you mention you're "making progress", you "don't need a man" etc ... but yet every post involves being with someone, finding the perfect man.

    News flash sweetheart! They don't exist! Your ideal man composed of "Paul Newman's looks & William Shakespeare's heart" they just don't exist!

    We all fart, we all watch Sport Center will holding our balls, it's in our make-up. If we are quiet, it doesn't mean we're mad at you or are thinking something, just maybe we're focused on what we are doing in that quiet moment!

    Life is about movements & moments, should you decide to comfort yourself in movement, great moments will follow. Embrace those moments and move on as lingering will only harden the soul. And should you choose too, you will have a companion on these journeys!

    From your picture, i can tell you are a beautiful girl, and from your pros/blog quite intelligent as well. I am charmed by your blog and understand your frustration with life and love.

    I am not saying you need to lower your standards because no one should do that, what I am saying is maybe you should accept "his" limitations, we are all imperfect and that's what makes each of us unique. Leave Fiction for where it belongs, in between existential questions and the search for Big Foot!

    Henry David Thoreau a man of many journey's once wrote
    "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion. For most men, it appears to me, are in a strange uncertainty about it, whether it is of the devil or of God, and have somewhat hastily concluded that it is the chief end of man here to "glorify God and enjoy him forever." "

    Not PaulNewman

  5. P.S.
    (1) I recommend Thoreau, he'll give a new perspective on life, specifically the book Walden (Chapter 2 will blow your hair back!)

    (2) Read "The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt", the man inspired the art of wholeness. "Reading this book will inspire you to get off the couch and start moving in your life. Harvard graduate, New York Assemblyman, rancher, historian, author of several books, New York City Police Commissioner, Assistant Secretary of the Navy, Governor of New York, and commanding officer of the Rough Riders are all titles that TR had before he became president at 42"

    Not PaulNewman

  6. Hey Buddy! Newman or whatever the heck yer callin' yerself. Butt out boy. Usin yer filthy language to my gal, I orta bust yow ass an ah'll tell you supm else, she don't need no book lernin. Soon as she gets down here to the lone star she'll be a cookin and a cleanin and a lookin after us good ol boys so pull yer neck in!

  7. I think "Not Paul Newman" was the absolute best name that dude could have signed off with. Paul Newman would have been more tactful in his approach...and quicker with his point! ;)

    I love this blog and I think it's pretty brave for someone to share their innermost thoughts and vulnerabilities with the world. Continue to write whatever moves you and we'll keep on reading because it moves us, too. We can all relate to your heart and get lost in your words (hence all your hits!), so keep on sharing with us and we promise to delightedly await whatever comes next.

  8. HA i loveNot Paul Newman's comments, but I think it's alright for s girl to dream, right? I think I may prefer the ranch dude, though.