Monday, February 7, 2011

Day 126: All out of coins for the jukebox?

Them: So, you still singing?
Me:  Ummm. Only in the shower. 
Them: That's it?
Me: Well that's not really it. I sing in my car, too.
I have had the above conversation a lot lately.
You see, most of my life, I have been identified as a 'Singer'.   
That’s what people would introduce me as, no matter my day job.
It was the principal part of who I was.
I spent a good deal of my life chasing that dream.
And I found some success,
got some public recognition and worked with a few record labels.
But I didn’t like the music industry (from that end of things).
It left a very sour taste in my mouth.
I began steering clear of anything concerning making music for myself.
And once you continuously avoid a dream, it learns to get out of your way.
These days, not very much excites me to pick up the guitar.
Or fiddle with a piano keyboard.
I sing along when I hear a song I like.
For me. To me.
But that’s pretty much it.
And I don’t know how I feel about that.
I really don't.
So it's hard to explain when people ask why I've stopped.
I guess I am following my gut as an artist.
And moving towards different forms of creative expression.
Writing and photography seem to be at the forefront now.
But has the little songbird inside me flown away for good?
I don't know.
I don't know how to answer that question.
Except that, just now, while typing it...someone inside me whispered: I hope not.


  1. Maybe you are the instrument, and when some muse or spirit somewhere decides how she needs to express herself, she speaks or writes or photographs or plays or sings through you. So there is no "away for good". I hope so. ;)


  2. Morning Tanya, or afternoon?
    The creative within the creative is always a part of us - like it or not.
    Although it seems antithetical, the creative process is often destructive and necessitates a healing period. Take time, love the music and over time it will magicaly separate itself from the angst with which it has become linked, but you know that anyway. Oooh get me: I sound like a fucking hippie!
    Oh! And if you wait for 'the muse' you might as well wait for Godot too - they'll be along at the same time. x