Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 104: Small Victory

I got back from brunch with an old friend to find two e-mails waiting for me. One from my mother saying she was coming over this afternoon with my father and sister, and another from my friends saying they were coming over tonight to watch the Golden Globes.  So I sprang into action and started cleaning up the clutter that had accumulated throughout the week.

I pulled out my enormous vacuum and got to work. Halfway through, I noticed the bag was too full and it wasn’t picking up the dust and dirt properly. (This is a new vacuum so I never had to tackle getting the bag out). Well, let me tell you friends... I was not prepared for the battle that ensued. The latch, to remove the bag, was stuck and the next twenty minutes was me (literally) wrestling on the floor with a 3 foot vacuum to get it unstuck. I pressed, I pulled, I squeezed, I screamed in frustration, I even cut my finger until (finally) “BAM!”--out came the bag spraying half of its contents all over me.  Sneeze. Cough. Fuck! Shit! Good times.
Once I emptied the rest of it in the trash, I tried to attach the piece back to the vacuum. It wasn’t happening.  I screamed again.  I got up. Drank a glass of water.  Paced.  Not only did I have the original dust to pick up, but the rest of the vacuum contents needed to be cleaned now too. Tick tock, goes the clock.  Family would soon arrive.  I thought to myself: I guess I could wait for Dad to help me put it back into place--No!!  I can do this, damn it! It’s just me here. And I can do this. You’re not winning, Hoover. We are gonna get this place clean, you and me.  I am gonna put you back together, even if I lose a finger! (Which at this point, if you saw my mangled hand…wouldn’t be that big of an exaggeration).
I walked over to the vacuum (the wind howled and tumbleweed flew by) and with all my concentration and might slammed that friggen thing into into place. TADAAAAA!!!  I kid you not, I looked at the vacuum and triumphantly said: Who’s the boss? I’m the boss.
And I cleaned up the mess. And then I cleaned the washroom. I even had time to run to the grocery store to get some snacks, come home and type this. No one’s the wiser. I know it’s silly. But when you don’t have a man in the house to call frantically and say this to: Honey, I’m going to F%^&% throw this thing off the balcony…can you please come fix it?!  You gotta do it on your own.  And I did. I fought the Hoover today and won. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to attend to my broken hand (ahem).


  1. I laughed simply because I have been there...and I did almost exactly what you did, minus almost losing a finger! Well done you for showing the vacuum who the boss is!

  2. Thank you for this. I'm on holidays for the moment and am getting to lots of the jobs I don't have time for when I'm at of them starting on my small but needing work garden. Ive been alone for 3 years and sometimes I get so frustrated with not having a man to call on. I don't want him back mind you so it's empty whining really. But men are strong and they know how to do stuff! I tackled an electric hedge trimmer the other day (pretty good for a first go I thought) but digging soil that is clay and compacted is just about killing me. And I have so many things that require drilling...I have a drill but I'm terrified of ending up with a whole the size of my head.
    But you're right - we CAN do it! Is it just the confidence, the self determination?
    I'm going to start following your blog - I see a kindred spirit!

  3. Thanks ladies! Lollita, good on you for using power garden tools, but baby steps now--holes in heads sound quite nightmarish, actually. Today was a very small victory, indeed...I'm not too proud to admit the following defeat: when I had a dead mouse in the cupboard back in October, I was very (very) glad a (sweet) man came to my rescue. Sometimes you just need... a man! But, today, I didn't. So--phew! ;-)