Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Day 106: Dear Apocalypse

Dear Apocalypse,

Hi there. You don’t really know me personally, but I felt the need to send you a letter to say hello and introduce myself. I’m a regular girl who lives on Earth, and I try to do good as much as I can. Try to stay away from the, you know, evil stuff. And I figured that now would be a good time to touch base with you and see how you’re doing these days. I’m kind of picking up on a ‘restless’ vibe from you.  Maybe it’s the whole dead-birdies-dead fishies combo and all the earthquakes happening lately, but I kind of get the feeling that you’re checking rates on Expedia to come a little sooner than any of us expected. And, Apocalypse, I was just wondering if you wouldn’t mind postponing your visit for at least another, I don’t know, 300 years or so?

I’ve been asking around, and folks are pretty much on board with me. Nobody is into the ‘last days’ stuff. People have been clear about staying alive as long as possible and are hoping that their offspring can too. We’ve all read about your plagues and famines and they’re quite well imagined and striking, but we don’t want to be the ones to see your masterful ways first hand. It kind of scares the shit out of us, actually. Hehe. (Ahem).  And as for me, I have places I’d like to see, and things I’d like to accomplish. I was planning on the ‘growing old’ thing. So, I’m sure you can appreciate how a giant cosmic cataclysm happening tomorrow or the next day would cramp my plans.

Maybe you and God can rediscover the joy of Yahtzee or Scrabble and save the ‘Judgement’ discussions for a few more centuries. There’s no rush, really. Take an extended vacation. You deserve it!! 

Yours in Doom,

Me.

5 comments:

  1. HaHaHa. I love this Tanya - really made me smile. Love your imagination and your humor and this has both.

    If you need an address, I think the IRS office here in the U.S. would be a safe bet. Lots of doomsayers there. :)

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  2. This is fab! It's nice to know I'm not the only one expecting the Four Horsemen to plough through my living room sometime this week! I really enjoyed reading this, and you've given me a great idea for my next short story! (That's if you're alright with me sampling your format?)

    Lady A x

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  3. Nice one, in spite of the 'tongue in cheek' do I detect a smidgen of panic? Nah! Thought not.

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  4. apocalypse reply letter: i just friended Woody Harellson, Lil' Wayne, Mel Gibson, and Tom Cruise on facebook. All faithful celebrity doomsday believers

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