Monday, November 29, 2010

Day 56: Yes, I'm single. And no, it's not contagious.

OK. I’m gonna get something off my chest. In the past two days alone (and I’m not counting all the other incidents in the last few years) I have had the following said to me: “When are you going to find a nice boy and get married?”

Scenario 1 (yesterday) Funeral Home:

Tears still trickling down my face, my father introduces me to some distant family from out of town. They smile, nod and politely say (in Portuguese), “Ahhh what a pretty girl! She’s the unmarried one, right? But why?” (Sigh)
Go say hello to (black sheep) uncle and his wife (who says to me in French, not so politely): “Why are you still unmarried? What are you waiting for? You know Prince Charming doesn’t exist, right?” To which I smile tersely and say, “Being married does not automatically equate happiness. Right?” (She should know that better than anyone, trust me).

Scenario 2 (today) The Office:

I’m smack in the middle of a horrendous coughing fit, clutching my chest in pain and my classless (dumbass) coworker strolls over with a man who is at least 106 years old. He introduces me, puts his arm around me, and announces to the gentleman how I’m single and looking to meet a nice man who could take care of me. (Huh?!!) He proceeds to tell me how I should meet men as charming as this one (all the while I’m still coughing uncontrollably).

First of all, what is wrong with people? There’s a time and there’s a place. I mean, c’mon! At a funeral?! When I’m visibly upset? Or ambush me when I’m physically in pain to parade me in front of your rich clients? Second of all, there’s no mystery to figure out here. Being single is not a death sentence and it's not a a disease. Yes, I know I’m of European descent. I'm well aware of my culture and my age. Yes, I was the girl who had steady boyfriends for 10 years straight. And none worked out. That happens sometimes. But I’m OK. I enjoy my own company. Do you? I have creative passions, I have amazing friends (many of whom are in the same ‘predicament’ as me), I have goals, and I have substance. Maybe that’s incomprehensible to some people. Or threatening? That I am doing it without a husband?

Why do you have to make it a club I don’t belong to with your unanswerable questions? I’m not saying I don’t want to get married. I do. I really do want to spend my life with someone. But I’m just not allowing marriage to define when my life “starts”. I am pushing ahead building a life of my own, and getting to know myself. So when the right man comes along, I don't attach unrealistic expectations that happiness and fulfillment can only come from him.

Please stop saying I am being picky. It’s healthy to know what I want.
Yes, I want love. And no, it’s not easy out there on my own.
But it will happen when it happens.
So please, stop asking why.

6 comments:

  1. Being single is awesome. THESE are the best years of your life. :) Have some joie de vivre people!

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  2. It fascinates me too, that people cannot comprehend how a woman can be successful and happy without a man in her life... even in this "modern" day & age!

    -Erica

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  3. "She's the unmarried one, right?" and "..find a nice boy".... HILARIOUS!!!

    My two personal favorites come from, well, a very close family relation:

    1) Oh, it didn't work out with that one either? No problem. You're almost 40. You have LOOOTTSS of time! Can't you see the ladies lined up knocking at your door!?
    2) What are you waiting for? You know you're no Prince Charming yourself that you can afford to be so picky!

    HI LA REE OUS

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  4. I've had two husbands! And I've never been happier than I am now ALONE! I have not given up on love but I'm never going to settle "just to make people stop feeling sorry for me!" I am finally getting to know myself and I like myself! So my beautiful cousin don't be bothered by these people because they are probably the ones living the "lie". Have fun always and keep smiling. Xoxoxo Maria M.

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  5. I was asked why I wasn't married at a party full of couples one evening. My response - "I prefer to have affairs." That shut everybody up right quick.

    Carolyn

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  6. Well dear! i don't think there is anything really wrong with people.They are not your enemies.They are just concerned at your present situation.They are probably not aware that you have had steady boyfriends for 10 years or you are building a life of your own or getting some time to know yourself...or whatever plans you think you have for yourself.Of course, you don't need to tell it to everyone.You got a life of your own and you have all the rights to set rules for it and nobody else has.Do not be bothered by such noises which come across your life at odd and even times.Just be at peace with yourself. Why giving importance to people and what they say, who don't have a slightest idea of your plans.
    Go captain, sail your ship in your will's direction.

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