Saturday, November 20, 2010

Day 47: On the attempt

As I sit here feeble and flu-ridden, I realize I have been attempting quite a bit today.  I attempted being a good aunt, showing up to take photos (as promised) of my niece’s Princess and Pirate sixth birthday party. I attempted to make myself somewhat presentable and sociable for a few hours (all the while steering clear of any direct contact so as not to attempt the spread of germs).  I attempt not to cry when my niece steals away from all her friends to hug me and say, “Hey Zia, our song is playing!” (The song was A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes…I taught it to her when she was two. Ugh, it made my heart burst with gladness. And yeah, there may have been some watery eyes).

What else? Ummm-- I have attempted to get rid of this god forsaken flu, but I vetoed the idea of waiting hours at a clinic for a throat culture, choosing to surrender to my exhaustion by camping out (yet again) on the couch. I also made the bold attempt, on said couch, to change my thoughts without television or books and put a positive spin on all things that vex me.  But, my friends, when you are alone for too long and feel really sick, it’s easy to be way too hard on yourself about your state of affairs.  I don't recommend you try that.

And finally, I attempt desperately to have something new to share with you here. It's not easy. I appreciate immensely (and with some modest surprise, I’m not going to lie) that you even take the time to read.  I promise to get cheerier with my posts, really.  My spirit is just going through a bit of a rough spot--a growth spurt, if you will. I didn’t realize, when I signed myself up for this 365 day attempt, how transparent I would become.  But I am being genuine about what I am learning. It's not just about battling writer's is one woman’s truthful (say it with me) attempt at communicating all things LIFE.  

1 comment:

  1. Oh, bellina, you are still sick? That is not acceptable. Ugh. If I start driving now, I can have some chicken soup to you in about 12 or 15 hours. Ha. :) Sending big hugs to you, and hope you feel better.

    Great job on all you did today - getting 'out there' when you're sick is decidedly unfun. Your niece sounds wonderful, and she'll remember that you were there.

    As for your writing. I hope you keep it up, because I really admire how you string thoughts and words together my friend. It's a brave thing, communicating with life (who knows what She'll say).

    hugs, baci***