Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Day 23: fuck it. (sorry mom)

I hate filters.
I'm tired of them.
Tired of auditioning to be a particular type of someone for a mother, a father, a boss, a brother, a sister, a friend, a lover...It's exhausting!!
How many times, in one day, do you filter what you say or feel?
Seriously. Think about it.
How many times are you feeling what YOU want or need to feel about any given situation in your day?
Without letting all this 'other-people-think-this-way' polite bullshit factor in on your decision?
Let's be real, shall we?
Let's just tell it like it is.
You won't like all of me. I won't like all of you.
But we will be two separate individuals having a real conversation.
For a change.
A real moment.
Living life in real time.
People are so wrapped up in what they think a good life is.
They got lost in their own charade.
They even turn it into a life that others envy.
When did we stop being something to ourselves?
For ourselves?
It has taken me 33 years to realize that: I am who I am.
Take it or leave it.
I am not going to change for you.
I am not going to be anything that I am not.
But I am going to try to make this my best life.
Every day.
I will trip over my own feet.
I will fall into my own ego puddles, and get very wet.
I will wear my heart on my sleeve.
So you can all see it.
And break it.
And I will be lonely.
And I will be independent.
And I will make my own rules.
Life according to me.
But mark my words: I am not going to filter anymore.

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